Dating After 40: Thoughts and Tips
Nowadays, men are not in a hurry to get married. Answering the question, “Why are you still single?” many single and 40-year-old men tell that, "It's like buying a car. You go to the salon, thinking that you will choose, perhaps, it will be a two-door Audi or a premium-class BMW. Until you chose one, any of them can be yours. When you opt for one, then you should know that others will judge you by this very car." That's the way things are with single and 40 something men.
If a man is 40 years old, and he has never been married and has no children, then the surrounding people immediately have doubts that everything is good with his health or mentality. In cases, when a confirmed bachelor is rich and successful, he becomes the object of numerous gossip, whose participants terribly want to know why such an “attractive” man is still unmarried, and whether he is of a different sexual orientation.
Single and 40: is it wrong and how to make it work?
Psychologists distinguish several types of men who prefer to ignore marriage or try to avoid it in every possible way.
Egoist. The hardest case is an egoistic man who, sometimes, can be even ideological in some ways. Such a type is a product of the era of consumption. He has managed to earn money, and now, he lives for his own pleasure. He doesn’t understand why he should get married. He already has everything that can be bought. And, most importantly, he doesn’t want to share anything.
Workaholic. These are the typical representatives of a "self-made men." They are so busy with their work that there is not enough time or physical strength to search for "one and only." Their only chance of having a family happiness is to marry a colleague.
Typical narcissist. If a man did not get married before the age of 40, it is possible that he is just a narcissist by nature. Such men are so fond of themselves that they cannot love someone else. As a rule, they have great success with women, they easily break hearts and prefer the short-term love affairs. They don’t get married because of inflated ego.
Big child. When they say, "Mama's boy," they usually mean a man who is living with his parents and not adapted to everyday life. However, this is a broader concept. Such men are like big children who are infantile in everything, especially, psychologically. They subconsciously look for a wife as a "mother-woman" who will lead and solve all the problems. Alas, if they do not find her before the age of 40, then the chances are getting smaller with every next year.
Boy scout. Until now, there is a certain percentage of male maximalists who set a high standard for themselves in life: in their careers, in their everyday life, in their relationships. Such people can seek their female ideal not only up to 40 years but also up to 60-70. They are driven by the principle, “To love no less than a queen, to lose no less than a million.” At the same time, being in the eternal search, they often do not notice that they aren’t the ideal anymore.
Difficult childhood. Sometimes, the cause of unwillingness to get married should be sought in the negative family experiences. For example, it can be an unhappy marriage of parents. Of course, this is one of the psychological problems that can be easily corrected by a good psychotherapist.
Possible ways of things to do when you're single and 40
Men can feel depressed about being single and 40 if they have failed to realize their plans. Usually, they begin to suffer from a low self-esteem. For this reason, confirmed bachelors who live with their parents or rent accommodation are simply afraid to get married, considering themselves unworthy of the girls they like. They do not have the courage to make a proposal, and girls prefer not to take the first step. Such a type of men is less-than-enthusiastic and inert. Many of them by the age of 40 have neither the wives and children nor health because they have stopped watching themselves, they do not go in for sports and abuse alcohol. Some of them don’t know how to survive being single and 40.
Psychologists say that being in their 40s, men have a chance to be finally happy if they make a change in value systems. If you analyze your numerous problems, you will understand that you have enough strength to change everything for the better. This can become a real discovery for you if you haven’t ever criticized yourself. Sometimes, the shock turns out to be so strong that a person seems to be reborn, as after a serious illness or an experienced mortal danger.
This is a midlife crisis. It can destroy your life or save it. In any case, everyone should know about it and remember that it also will pass as everything else. You should try to pass through it at least with minimal losses and start a new happier life.
Dating after 40: a useful guide
If you are 40 years old, it is time to settle down. This is a great time in a man's life when he is able to show all his best features if, of course, he has them. If you are still single, then there are some reasons for that. For example, you might have been not lucky in love, or you haven’t tried to use all the options to find your soulmate.
1. Start with yourself. Decide that you do not consider yourself self-sufficient, and you do not want to be single, then, look for acquaintances!
2. See a therapist. If you are ready to admit that past experiences, grievances, and disappointments prevent you from searching for a new partner, visit some psychological training or talk with a psychologist. This will help you get rid of unnecessary thoughts, emotions, memories, be involved in successful dating after 40, and build a happy relationship.
3. Forget about your age. Age is no obstacle to love. Even if you are already not twenty, this does not mean that you cannot meet a partner with whom you will fall in love and build a harmonious relationship. However, the truth is that dating after 40 for men can be a real challenge if they don’t have Internet access.
4. Awaken your emotions. With age, people learn to control their emotions. They forbid themselves not only to be angry and irritated but also to sincerely admire and be carried away. As if an internal censor is built into them, forbidding to be natural and slightly naive. Allow yourself to express your emotions out loud. Take up any creativity: this is the most reliable way to activate your feelings. For example, go learn how to dance tango. That will be very useful for men dating after 40.
5. Communicate. Try to expand your social circle, and do not necessarily focus on the female gender. It is important for you to remember how easily and naturally you communicated in youth. Talk to random fellow travelers, make some friends in a sports club, joke with the barman in a restaurant. The more often you communicate, the more comfortable you will feel in the company of strangers, including women.
6. Watch your appearance. However trite it may sound, but a well-groomed man internally feels much more confident. It increases self-esteem and improves mood. Therefore, be sure to take care of yourself: your appearance, figure, wardrobe.
7. Disable the internal criticism. Don’t neglect this dating after 40 advice. A critical look at women is great, but you should not overdo that. Try to notice, first of all, the positive qualities of women that make them cute. Remember that although everybody has shortcomings, it is possible to find some dignity too.
8. Register on the online dating sites. Don’t hesitate to be involved in online dating after 40, this is one of the simplest and most obvious options to find a soulmate. Do not give it up if you have had a bad experience. Nowadays, there are many new dating sites, so it is quite possible to find a worthy one to communicate with single, decent, and intelligent people. There are several advantages to this method, but there are two main ones, which need special attention. Firstly, you will definitely know about the marital status of the woman you like from the very beginning. Secondly, you will see the profiles of people who want to get acquainted. It means that you will not often get unpleasant refusals.
9. Create a correct profile. Write about the joyful moments of your life that you would like to experience again. For example, you are very fond of riding a horse. Write that you would like to spend more time together with your loved one and with pleasure would go horseback riding. If you know exactly what qualities your ideal life partner should be endowed with, describe them, but you should do that in a soft, tactful manner. In general, try to read everything that you write with the eyes of your future partner and ask yourself whether you like what you have read. If there are doubts, then the profile should be changed.
In addition to the above-mentioned points, it is necessary to remember some essential dating after 40 rules that create the foundation of successful dating and healthy relationship.
What are the 5 rules for dating after 40?
1. Be a good catch. It’s quite natural that women want to be with a man who has achieved success and is able to provide for her and the future family. Nobody wants to be with a loser, even you.
2. Be yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone else because sooner or later you will get tired of playing this role, and you will have to start from scratch.
3. Be sure to go out with grown-ups. If you don't want to be involved in dating after 40 with kids and be called a child molester, always check the age of people with whom you communicate.
4. Don’t start dating because it’s high time to do that. If you don’t want to do that, don’t force yourself. All people are unique, and you can belong to the category of people who prefer to stay single forever.
5. Lose the baggage. Never ever start dating if you haven't left your past behind. All women are different, don’t compare your new partner with the ex.
Get rid of the stereotypes to find your soulmate
Nobody knows how justified stereotypes about single men are, but they remain as die-hard as an old fairy tale about Prince Charming. A man should be attentive, courageous, have a sense of humor, be independent and reliable. Everything happens as if women have pre-determined the ideal that men should meet on all points. However, ideals and stereotypes speak not only of those who are evaluated with their help. They reveal the nature of those who make such an assessment. Each of us has our own system of fears, expectations that have come from experience, parental scenarios, and social attitudes. In order to be objective, you are actually sifting reality through a sieve of your stereotypes. It is difficult to get rid of the “sieve” because you just do not notice it. In addition, to some extent, it really protects you from mistakes. However, often, the price of such "wisdom" is loneliness.
So, the earlier you understand all the mistakes and ease up on some of your demands, the faster you meet the very woman.