It is criticized, considered dirty and indecent, admired and positioned as an example of true love – polyamory, a rather controversial phenomenon of human relations. What is a polyamorous relationship? Polyamory provides that one or more partners are in a love relationship with other partners with the consent of both parties. For example, a man can find women online while having a significant other, and a woman can do the same. In simple words, if you are in a polyamorous relationship, you and your loved one have emotional and/or sexual intimacy with other people, provided that neither you nor your partner nor a third party is against this. This is how the ideal picture of polyamory looks: there is only attraction, love, and trust between people. So, what rules should be followed if you decide to enter such a relationship?
Polyamorous Relationships Definition
The topic of polyamory is actively discussed in many countries of the world but what does this concept mean? The polyamorous definition implies the love of several or many people. Unlike other forms of open relationships, polyamory is not about sex with several people but the love relationships of several partners that exist with their consent. Within the framework of the polyamory, there is no place for betrayal and infidelity. All parties involved have a long-term relationship in which feelings of love and trust play an important role.
Polyamory rejects the idea that monogamous relationships are the only good, right, possible or desirable concept for a successful life. Anyone who thinks about polyamory, for a start, must move away from the model of monogamous relationships. But it is not always easy to do this because we were brought up on the examples of monogamy, and polyamory or polygamy was and is considered a deviation from the norm in our society. In most cultures, love leads to a romantic relationship between a man and a woman. It is an ideal option when men look for women for marriage, date, start a family, have children, and so on. Some people believe in “love for the rest of their lives,” others are convinced that love comes and goes, and still others feel happy only in relationships with several people. And they are all right in their own way, although society believes otherwise.
Polyamorous vs. Polygamous and Open Relationships
The reality is that there are many more options in the area that is commonly called “relationships,” and each of them is just a form. Any of them can exist, the main thing is to try to be more sensitive to the space of options and choose the one that suits you best. Any relationship of the romantic spectrum is work on contact, communication, and support of each other. But the number of participants in these relationships and the degree of their involvement should be determined by the level of comfort of all involved people, whether there are two or more of them. So, polyamorous vs polygamy vs open relationships – what is the difference?
Polyamory is about polyamorous relationships that allow the possibility of love aimed at interaction with many people. In the case of polyamory, it is important to talk about equal rights among the participants. Everyone has the right to choose several partners, regardless of gender. It is clear that this form of relationship has completely different connotations than polygamy. More than two participants are about one of the signs of polyamory. An important point: betrayal can’t be called polyamory. If at least one person is not informed of what is happening, one of the basic principles of polyamorous relations is violated. Being in touch with yourself and not be afraid of condemning society is the first guarantee of a comfortable polyamorous relationship.
Polygamy is a form of love, in which a man or a woman is in relationships with other partners. Unlike multiple and unregulated sexual relationships, polygamy exists in almost inextricable conjunction with institutional marriage norms. It is a fairly conservative practice in which relations are built on the principle of one or one plus several partners. People have their own boundaries and clearly predetermined norms. But it is important to understand that the rights of participants in such relationships are not equal. A number of nationalities still exist in conditions of official polygamous relations approved at the state level, and in many countries, there was once the practice of official polygamy, which was then canceled. So, polyamorous vs polygamous – the choice is yours!
An open relationship is an agreement between partners about appropriate close relations with other people, frequently speaking, about sexual relationships. In an open relationship, freedom is given to each of the participants. Open relationships are to some extent a prototype of polyamory, and a number of features in these forms are similar. They provide an opportunity to build relationships (sexual, emotional, and so on) with anyone other than the significant other. The most important principle of open relationships is the agreement of what is happening among partners.
Vital Questions to Ask Before Establishing a Polyamorous Relationship
You can check your abilities to try different polyamorous relationship types by sincerely answering the questions that experienced polyamorous people offer to ask to understand whether you are ready to move to this level of relationships.
1. How do I feel about rules in relationships?
Polyamory is not anarchy. And if you find it difficult to adhere to the rules, then it will not be easy for you to become a polyamorous person. Polyamorous people try to create not only a space that is comfortable for themselves but also to make this space comfortable for all participants in the relationship. This process is like constantly looking for compromises and creating polyamorous relationship rules that will help prevent troubles. Therefore, it would be nice if the answer to this question was like, “Yes, I understand why the rules are needed and I feel ready to create new rules together with other participants of our relationships.”
2. What is my list of prohibitions?
How do you feel about atypical forms of relationships and kinky practices? What does your ban list look like for your partner? If no new practices have long crossed the threshold of your bedroom, then what about polyamory? “I have prohibitions, but their list is much shorter than the list of what I want to try,” – this is the most pleasant point for the foundation of the future polyamorous relationships.
3. Where do you lead your relationships?
As in any new project, the likelihood of creating something seems just an assumption that is confirmed or rejected as the details are clarified and the facts are gathered. When we learn more about the desired thing, the picture becomes clearer and more defined. If you manage to answer this question, you already know more about yourself and your relationship. Such an “inventory” of your capabilities gives you certainty and confidence in whether you have enough experience, skills, and resources to turn the idea of polyamory into reality, and you know where your relationship goes.
Polyamorous Relationship Rules and Guidelines
Many will agree that a relationship is not only love and respect but also loyalty to your partner. But what if it is a relationship without restrictions? Or there are obligations, but one of the partners (or both of them) is dreaming of some kind of diversity in life? The idea of polyamory is honest polygamy, and not only men can have more than one sexual partner, as many of them would like but also women. This definition must be inextricably associated with openness and equality between people.
1. Don’t rush things
The issue of polygamous relationships should be approached wisely. You need to be a good “diplomat” so as not to spoil everything before it all starts. A person who decides to offer such a relationship to a partner should be frank and cunning. Hint to your girlfriend that you would like to try something new, modern. The offer itself also needs to be formulated correctly. For example, you shouldn’t say, “Dear, don’t you mind if I have sex with another girl?” Better say that you are looking for a new type of relationship at the very beginning of your romance.
2. Find out what your partner thinks about it
Your offer shouldn’t be a surprise for a significant other. Ideally, people should adhere to the same view of polyamory. If your partner is forced to do this and reluctant to agree to this just not to lose you, it will end with insults, constant stress, suffering and, as a result, scandal and breakup. It’s just better to immediately pay attention to how a girl or guy perceives such jokes. If he or she feels nervous because of it, then most likely, this is not for him/her. In order not to suffer from doubts, it’s still worth talking and discussing this issue.
3. Communicate with each other
It is the key to the harmonious development of absolutely any relationship. Don’t miss the opportunity to talk with your partners, solve problems related to your relationship together, respect the views, feelings, and rights of each member of your polyamorous relationship. If you don’t communicate, you will not know what your partners need, so your relationship may soon end. You don’t want it, do you?
4. Devote more time to your significant other
All your partners should be sexually and emotionally satisfied and happy. So, you will need to make the maximum effort to organize the process. First of all, you need to designate the time for your first partner. This should be done before any appointment with other lovers is made. At least one evening a week should be reserved for a “family” dinner with a continuation. Once a month, spend the weekend with your significant other. Remember or write down all the important dates associated with the loved one, so that you don’t accidentally make a date with another person for these days.
5. Trust each other
In relationships of this kind, trust between partners must be maintained. Whether you like it or not, women are jealous creatures, and it will take time to overcome this feeling. Talk to each other more often. Maybe it will be necessary to adjust the terms of the agreement along the way, for example, reduce the number of partners or the frequency of visits with them. Problems must be discussed and resolved as they arise, otherwise, a feeling of constant discomfort is inevitable.
6. Don’t share the intimate details with your couple
Perhaps you don’t want to hear all the details of your partner’s meetings with a third party? Or vice versa, do you need to know everything to the smallest detail? Carefully consider what you are ready for and what you are not ready to share with your significant other. In resolving this issue, it is important to consider the interests of all parties.
7. Set boundaries
This is only necessary to get rid of confusion. When one of the partners visits polyamorous dating sites, and more people take part in relationships, there is an urgent need to agree on meeting schedules. Situations where, for example, both partners wait for you in completely different places at the same time are extremely awkward and confusing. Certain boundaries will help put everything in its place.
8. Respect each other’s choices
In polyamorous dating, you don’t have to fall in love with each new partner of your significant other, but you shouldn’t experience negative feelings for them. Make every effort so that all members of your polyamorous relationship feel as comfortable and relaxed as possible. If you agree to this, then get over yourself and be open to all the people who are in this relationship with you. And never compare partners. The taunts in a bed like, “But my other girlfriend does it differently” or detailed stories about sex can easily destroy this shaky structure.
There are many polyamorous relationship stories. Polyamory is the choice of every person. If you are completely aware of it, and you don’t try to fill your void and dissatisfaction with as many partners as possible at the same time, then perhaps this is one of the ways to fully enjoy life.