Today we will talk about deal breakers in relationships. We will list the top 20 relationship deal breakers, deal breakers for guys to avoid on the first date, the most common deal breakers for a woman, and find out how to deal with them.
What Is the Meaning of "Deal Breaker"?
Let’s first find out what are deal breakers in a relationship?
The definition of deal breakers in relationships is quite a simple one: relationship deal breakers are the issues in which one of the partners feels like they cannot coexist with this or that person because of the other’s specific shortcomings, flaws, actions, personality traits, etc.
Relationship red flags and deal breakers are quite similar in nature. Red flags are the indicators that something can go wrong in the future, it is when you smell a sense of smoke and something burning in the air. And a deal breaker is the eventual wildfire that you encounter.
Red flags make us worried, deal breakers challenge our love and put us in the position of choice, should we try to fix this or that issue, or should we move on?
Can Deal Breakers Be Overcome in a Relationship?
We are all afraid of breaking up, especially if we value them. But how to learn to distinguish minor obstacles from serious problems? How can you smooth out unpleasant moments in a relationship? Read on, and you will learn how to use the problems to your advantage to develop stable and long-term relationships.
1. Recognize that you have a problem and want to deal with it
A feeling of dissatisfaction or remoteness of a partner is a sign of solvable or insoluble problems. Have you ever thought you want to date someone else? Are you pleased to spend time alone? Do you notice a change in your partner? Have you moved away from each other and begun to quarrel more often?
2. Feel the difference between minor obstacles and serious problems
It is very important to recognize that most problems in relationships, such as emotional and physical abuse, are not solvable. It is in your interest to stop wasting time and energy to improve relationships that are not worth it. It is important to learn to distinguish between a “dispute” and a "quarrel.”
Dispute means disagreement. Although you also lose your temper, raise your voice, and become irritable, the debate is essentially based on the specific subject of the conversation. For example, you may have a dispute with a partner about the responsibility for washing dishes. Although this is a personal matter for everyone, and you are arguing over responsibility, the dispute itself is focused on a specific example. But all these are solvable problems.
3. Try to find a common language with your partner
Misunderstanding and communication problems are at the center of many problems in relationships. If you do not talk about what is bothering you, you cannot solve the problem. Make an appointment to talk. You will need time to talk if you are busy at school, at work, or with children. Turn off your mobile phone and TV during a call so that nothing distracts you. If it takes all night, so be it. Besides, you should not talk with your partner about serious topics when they are feeling bad or feeling unprotected from your attacks. Just calmly say, “Can we talk tomorrow? I think we need to clarify a few issues.” Listen carefully. Look into the eyes of your partner while they speak. Put the phone down even if you feel uneasy. Do not interrupt when your partner speaks.
4. Decide to change for the better
Your relationship is a "solution in a package." If, after discussing the problems, it becomes clear that your partner did not understand you or simply ignored the problems you voiced and did not want to change your position, it may be time to break off this relationship. If you can come to a common denominator on all issues and want to change for the better, you can begin the healing process.
First Date Deal Breakers for Women
Probably everyone faced this situation: you start dating a person, everything seems to be going well, but then it turns out that they are quite an asshole. Here is a relationship deal breakers list, a few things in a man that can turn a woman off.
1. He is too secretive when it comes to his phone
Everyone has the right to privacy, but if he constantly hides his phone, if several obscure women chat with him at the same time, if he changes his password every five minutes, this is a bad sign. Believe me.
2. He constantly makes jokes about your appearance or life
“I'm just joking, calm down,” he laughs and lets out another joke about your dress, career, or makeup. This guy does not value you as you are and is trying to fashion something from you.
3. He takes too many selfies in the gym
Such a guy will always love the gym more than you. Following!
4. He does not like dogs
Okay, this is not a reason to avoid him, but still rather suspicious.
5. He says that you are "not like the other girls"
Oh, these men who like to tell you what they don’t like about girls and convince you that you are not like everyone else! You are such, and you can be proud of it.
6. There’s something evil about his eyes
It may seem strange but listen to me. All my exes with good eyes were kind, and all who had evil-looking eyes were not. This is unscientific, but 100% accurate.
7. He says that all of his exes were "nuts"
There is only one common denominator.
8. He does not want to introduce you to friends and relatives
When you have been dating for some time, it is natural that you begin to penetrate each other's life. It should be nice: everyone wants to boast of a new girl. So if your partner is struggling to resist this, it’s dirty.
These were the most essential deal breakers for women to notice on the first date, now let’s move on.
Top Deal Breakers in a Relationship
Red flags can be difficult to notice when you are immersed in an unhealthy relationship. However, some signs will help you understand that you should move on. Are you in a relationship that makes you miserable? You wonder, is it time to say goodbye? Then the material described in this article can help you. What are the most serious relationship deal breakers? Here are just some of the most common and scary dating deal breakers. Most relationships start out pretty encouragingly. But when they begin to fall apart, it becomes difficult for us to let go of a person, and far from always, we can objectively evaluate reality.
1. Feeling unwell
This is one of the biggest relationship deal breakers. Wellness is the main sign of a healthy relationship. If you do not like this world, you hate to be alone, then, in this case, a good relationship with anyone will be impossible. People who constantly need someone else's approval or cling to others are not good partners. If you always feel that way, maybe it's time to pause the relationship and take care of yourself.
2. Lack of honest conversations
Relationships that end with a final breakup usually begin well. But if people cannot communicate, then relationships do not last long. Such a couple cannot listen to others talking about their feelings and not talking about their own. But relationships are a very personal thing, so people must communicate with each other. When problems arise, they should be resolved promptly, and both parties should be heard. A healthy relationship happens only if people feel safe, and their needs are met. But what's the point of love without communication? You cannot share your problems and ideas, joy, or grief.
Falling in love is good, but only if you are not overly carried away. Do you spend all your free time thinking about your partner? Or follow their pages on social networks? If you didn’t answer all of the higher questions “yes,” then you, most likely, experience something called “obsessive love.” There is nothing pleasant in this state. One person feels an obsessive desire to owe another, but they do not reciprocate. Love is beautiful, kind, and open. The obsession is harsh, evil, and destructive. This difference must always be remembered.
4. Lack of one's own life
The happiness of both parties shouldn't be tied to another person. Surely you have friends whose life revolves around a wife or husband. They cook, earn money, pay bills, buy gifts, and surround the second person with care in every way.
Such people often cease to engage in themselves and sacrifice their friends and interests for the sake of a partner. But psychologists are sure that you cannot build strong relationships on such a foundation, so make sure there are other interests in your life: a hobby or a job that you love. Do you remember when you met your friends the last time? Maybe it's time to do it? Can you spend time alone or do you need someone else to be with you all the time? In a relationship, it can be difficult to separate yourself from another person, especially if you have been dating for a long time. But it is necessary to do this, otherwise, you should break up.
Should You Contact a Specialist?
Spouses have known each other for many years and cannot agree Naturally, they are tormented by doubts: as a stranger who does not know them, they will be able to help them. If you believe the comments on various forums, many women still consider a family psychologist almost the same type of person that calls themselves “profits, wizards, clairvoyants, etc.”
So, what’s the point of seeing a psychologist?
It’s not strange that many couples in some situations need a “third extra” that will help them hear each other. After all, conflicts and quarrels are similar in different families: each sees only their point of view, cannot hear their partner, cannot understand them through the veil of their claims. So, disputes turn into a "conversation of the deaf": everyone, raising their voice, screams about their problems and their pain, but they cannot hear their partner. The psychologist in this case acts as an "interpreter.” They give people the ability to talk about their problems and teach them to listen to each other.
Sometimes problems are not obvious even to the person themselves, they need to be "pulled out" from the subconscious. Sometimes a psychologist talks with their patients on abstract topics: about their childhood, friends or hobbies. And even in these conversations, a person, in one way or another, talks about things that cause anxiety.
The idea of going to a family psychologist is a good sign in itself
It means that people are ready to work on relationships and even fight for them. Although in their cozy office, it will not be easy at all. There, having forgotten about grievances and pride, one will have to realize and admit that both parties are to blame for the quarrel, and concessions and compromises are necessary to maintain relations. The psychologist will not solve your problems for you. They can only help find the path. That is why many do not want to go to a psychologist - they are simply not ready to go for it. It’s more convenient for them to continue thinking, “He/she is to blame for everything,” instead of taking on some of the responsibility.
Do not go to a psychologist in the hope that they will be able to change your spouse or correct all their flaws at once. A psychologist is still not a magician, and besides, such magic is inaccessible even to fairy magicians (they can turn a toad into an actual person, but they cannot turn them into someone else). Rather, they will teach you to calmly perceive the shortcomings of a loved one. Here is a piece of win-win advice, "if you can’t change the situation - change the attitude towards it."
Deal Breakers in Relationships
These were the things you should know about deal breakers. In conclusion, we would like to say that it will be great for you to figure out such deal breakers that you may have. This will surely come with experience in romantic relationships, but the more you know about yourselves – the better your future relationships will be.